A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."
1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping? 2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets arent going as ghosts but as mattresses? 3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 4. Is there another word for synonym? 5. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? 6. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? 7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? 14. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp to have a S in it? 19. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?
A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.
He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.
"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"
"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."
"What about the young lady in the backseat?"
The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.
"I am 25 Officer."
"And the girl?"
The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."